With 2008 swinging in the vines it started off a tad bit different than last year did. At this time exactly 1 year ago I was sitting in the emergency room awaiting the results of the many tests that they ran on me. IN approximately 11 hours I would be laying on the operating table passed out as they took out my useless appendix that thought it was time to rupture. Thankfully they were able to remove it prior to it rupturing other wise I may not be here today. I am so hoping that this year goes better than last year did. It was just one thing after another that happened. Some good although most was bad. I could go through every month and list all that went terribly wrong however I choose not to dwell on it. What I went through last year is something that in an odd way I am glad I did. I wouldnt be here where I am now had I not gone through all that stuff.
January will forever be etched in my brain as at the end of the month it will be 3 years since my dear Papa passed away. He was so very sick towards the end but the one thing that he never lost until the last days of his life. I miss him more so this year than ever before. Last September I lost my Granny too. They had been married for nearly 60 years prior to Papas passing. the love those 2 felt for each other was wonderful. If I knew how to put up pictures i would put one of them up here. But I am computer retarded when it comes to such things as that. Its almost surreal that they are both now gone. I dont want to believe it however I know that it is reality. As hard as it was to watch my dad bury his mom and his dad, it was their time to go. THey are now together in heavan living perfectly healthy. And that I am truly thankful for.
People keep asking what type of New Years Resolution I came up with this year but I never really thought about it. Sure I would like to lose weight (doesnt everyone set this one at the beginnning of each year) but I want to truly think about my goal or "resolution" before I pinpoint what exactly it is that I am going to do. There are plenty of things that I will throw on my list but I want to find one that I can truly try my hardest at and make it work. I want to fall in love, I want to find a wonderful job, I want to finally be comfortable in my financial situation, I want travel all over the place. The list could go on and on. Out of what I just listed the thing that I would put towards the top would be to fall in love and the financial stability. But both of which I am not overly passionate about. Money is always oging to be an issue in my life as I dont ever seem to get away from the medical field. I swear I am going to own part of the hospital here in the near future. I am still alive and am thankful for each day that the man upstairs grants me.
I have been thinking alot lately as to what I am supposed ot be doing in my life. I read of all these fabulous stories about men, women, and children doing such great things in life that give them a purpose. I dont know what I am supposed to be doing. I want to do something meaning ful in my life but I dont think working in the travel industry is oging to give me what I am longing for. How does a person realize what their purpose is supposed to be? I have no idea. So if any of you people out there that actually read this know hte answer please fill me in as I would like to know.
More and more lately I have longed to have a baby. Its not exactly possible as in order to conceive a child you need to have a significant other/husband and of course be doing another activitiy that I dont feel the need to go into detail about such activity as we all should have gotten the birds and the bees talks by now. I long for a child to call my own, to love, to laugh with and most of all to teach them what my parents have taught me. My friends that have children I long to be around all the time because I love the innocense of a child. They learn from us and grow from the things that we teach them. I want a child so bad but no one takes me seriously. They say I am too young and that I need to live my life first. But I truly do want a child. Maybe that is my purpose. I have no bloody clue. I have nightmares about not having a child. My dreams would be broken, my life crushed. I know women go through this everyday. Somehow they remain strong and go other directions in their life. Some adopt some even find someone who is willing to be their surrogate. I just want to be a mom. THats all.
This entry and become alot of random stuff so I am just going to stop now
ndgirl07 signing off now
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