Reality just barges right on in with out even knocking.

After being away for 2 weeks from all my familiar surroundings I was super stoked to get back. Sure there were people that I had missed while i was gone but I most of all just wanted to sleep in my own bed wiht my thousands of pillows and my blankets. It was the best few hours of sleep that I had gotten in a long time. The first few days were filled with just trying to catch up and making sure everyone knew that I was finally home. After that I fell into the same routine that I had before I had left. While it was comforting to find my mojo again I was hoping that somehow someway that while I was gone things would have changed. But it seemed to me that life just stood at a standstill. My apartment was still disorganized, my dishes still in the dishwasher, my bed still un made and my Christmas tree still up. (Yes the tree is still up and it will be for awhile.) Nothing was out of place. it was all the same that I left it.

A few days ago reality decided to barge right on in and sit right down. No knocking, no asking. Absolutely nothing. This reality came in the form of a letter from the Student Loan Finance Center or something like that. you see I graduated almsot 6 months ago and its time for me to pay back the oh so lovely student loans. I about wet myself when i saw the dollar amount they expected me to pay for the next 15 years of my life. $531 per month. The way it stands right now I am pay check to pay check. Sure I go out every now and than but nothing outrageous. I have no idea hwo I am going to manage to pay that along with my other bills.

I want to succeed in life but it seems that now days its so hard to do. I have so many dreams and aspirations however they seem so out of reach right now. It seems as though for the next few years (like 20 or 30) will will be swimming in debt with no fun time. I understand life isnt all fun and games but should it all really be this hard.

to be continued....

ndgirl signing off as I am leaving soon from work