What do I do now?

Another day has come and gone yet I am no where closer to achieving what I want most in life. Happiness. I slap on a happy face just to make everyone else believe that my life is great. Its anything but great. Someone told me that my life could be soo much worse. I know that. Im not saying I want diamonds and a brand new car in the driveway. I just want to be able to live my life and not worry about what bills I am going to be able to pay with each pay check and what bills have to wait. It shouldnt be that way. But unfortunately it is that way for me. I try and play the deck of cards that I have been dealt but when I havent been given enough card I dont have much to work with. I do what I can but yet it doesnt seem like its enough.

I started my part time job yesterday. Although it was fairly easy work, I dont like the people I work with too much. Most of them are so conceited and rude that its hard to have fun while at work. Thats what the interviewer told me when I first got hired was that their whole goal was to make sure that when someone leaves from their shift that they leave with a smile on their face. Well I sure didnt. After I got home and started to unwind my whole body started hurting. My back hurt, my legs hurt, my arms hurt, my knees hurt. Everything did. I didnt fall asleep until after 1am. And I had to be up for my normal full time job at 630am. I could barely drag my ass out of bed this morning in time to get ready. I cant imagine working until 2am and getting up at 630am. Which I get the pleasure of doing this Wednesday. God I am so not looking forward to.

Working brings up a whole nother stresser in my life. I sat down and figured out how much I make each month and how much all my bills cost me. I dont even break even. My bills out weigh my monthly earnings by almost $100. I dont know what to do to save money. I dont go shopping alot (i do have occasional binges) I can barely sometimes afford groceries and when I am able to pick some up I can only buy the super cheap stuff. I have eaten frozen dinners for at least 2 years now. I am so sick of them. But its all I can afford. I thought being done with school would put my life at a little more ease but it hasnt. I think I am more stressed out now then I ever was when I was in school. The cost of living is going up, gas keeps going up, and groceries keep going up. Do our wages go up? Nope. Not a single penny. I dont understand how those in charge expect people to suceed in life.

I try to keep focused and keep telling myself that as long as I keep pushing through life will turn around for me, I just havent seen any results yet. Its tough to keep going on when you have no good results. Its depressing it really is. I best sign off for now. I am sure there will be more tomorrow.

ndgirl07 signing off for now